Since I’m in a mood this week…
Here is “The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List” from Secular Homeschooling magazine. Sometimes, you get really tired of hearing some of this stuff. It was #7 that got me started on here… an impromptu quiz. #17 happens ALL the time.
The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List
1 Please stop asking us if it’s legal. If it is — and it is — it’s insulting to imply that we’re criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?
2 Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we’ve got a decent grasp of both concepts.
3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.
4 Don’t assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.
5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a “reality” show, the above goes double.
6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You’re probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you’ve ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.
7 We don’t look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they’re in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we’re doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.
8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.
9 Stop assuming that if we’re religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
10 We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn’t have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don’t need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can’t teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there’s a reason I’m so reluctant to send my child to school.
12 If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that you’re calling me an idiot. Don’t act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.
13 Stop assuming that because the word “home” is right there in “homeschool,” we never leave the house. We’re the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it’s crowded and icky.
14 Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we’re into the “school” side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don’t have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.
15 Stop asking, “But what about the Prom?” Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don’t get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I’m one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.
16 Don’t ask my kid if she wouldn’t rather go to school unless you don’t mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn’t rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.
17 Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!” Even if you think it’s some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified. One of these days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you any more.
18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you’re allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can’t, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as well as her parent. I don’t see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he’s homeschooled. It’s not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.
21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she’s homeschooled.
22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.
23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.
24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won’t get because they don’t go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.
25 Here’s a thought: If you can’t say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!
This is fantastic! I should print out copies to carry around with me for whenever one of these situations occurs.
Comment by
carrie — November 9, 2007 @ 12:20 am
Just so you know, as a pastor who has had children in three types of educational environments, a list could be made for the same types of attitudes from homeschool parents towards public schooling.
For example, homeschool parents came up to me when they discovered my youngest was in a form of education from the home: “Finally! We have a pastor at our church who understands the biblical way to educate children.” Please.
Or, if I were to make an alternative list, one might be: “Don’t assume that because I public school my children that said decision to do so wasn’t prayed about through and through.”
Or, “If you can’t say something nice about public schools, shut up!” Why? all forms of education have strengths and weaknesses. Why can’t we have a cup of joe and discuss them.
Or, “Stop telling us about the horrors of the day-in, day-out of the public school system. All children who go through the educational system in our country aren’t cookie-cutter, non-thinking clones and drones just out to have a good time at prom and win state championships.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a HUGE fan of parents making the best choice for their child when it comes to education. Like I said, in my own home we’ve availed ourselves to public schools, a “magnet” school that required auditions and interviews, and a form of schooling at home.
But, they all have plusses and minuses and there have been successes and failures in all of them that folks can point to.
Comment by Brent — November 9, 2007 @ 7:51 am
I saw this article too, and I’m right with you. I’d love to be quick witted enough in conversations to spit some of this out to insensitive people who think we are doing the wrong thing.
Comment by
Robin — November 9, 2007 @ 8:39 am
I’m sure such a list could be made, Brent. But after doing this for 10+ years it gets very, very old to hear some of it over and over. There are judgmental people in every walk of life, sadly. Obnoxious homeschoolers… and public schoolers… and private schoolers… and Christians… and atheists… and on and on. Sometimes I just want people to SHUT UP about it. I don’t go on and on about their choice to use the public schools (or whatever).
I will say that I think it is becoming more “normal” and homeschoolers aren’t the oddballs we used to be. There’s more of us and people are more used to us.
And to the people who would say that to you about homeschooling being the biblical way to educate children? *roll eyes* When I first started homeschooling another homeschooling mom told me that our then senior pastor had told her that she was doing the wrong thing by home educating her children. So I think there was a vibe that our church wasn’t supportive of homeschoolers. To hear that you were homeschooling one of your children made me feel better about that vibe. But it has never crossed my mind that it was the biblical thing to do.
I think most people, myself included, have had moments where we’ve stuck our foot in our mouth. Said something that didn’t come out right, or we just weren’t thinking. I think some of the comments referred to in the list fall into that category. Sometimes you just get tired of hearing anything.
We aren’t embarrassed by our homeschooling but we don’t always mention it. Like the other day when the dentist office gave me a note for school for my boys’ appointments. I just smiled and thanked them.
Robin - I KNOW what you mean! I think I’m truly shocked at the rudeness of people sometimes and can’t think of a thing to say because I’m so dumbfounded. And I mean rudeness for everything, not just homeschooling… like the witch at Famous Footwear who seemed to think I was stupid the other day because I questioned her for giving me a refund that was more than I paid for the shoes in the first place. Seriously, she gave me almost $20 more back than I paid. Then she had the nerve to ask me why I was complaining about it when I wasn’t complaining, I was flat out confused. But hey, that’s a whole other topic.
Comment by
morethanfine — November 9, 2007 @ 11:05 pm
Having been on staff with that senior pastor, in my conversations with him I can’t imagine that he would’ve said that a parent was doing the wrong thing by homeschooling. I know that because of his insights on the subject directly to me. My guess is your friend and he had a mix-up of sorts in communication. Either that or his opinion changed at some point between your friend’s conversation and mine…which is possible. Interestingly, our current CBC staff has had children in all sorts of educational environments–some in unaccredited “university” environments–, and two have homeschooled when it was in the best interest of the children.
In our old building, our staff was supportive of the science classes using our kitchen (health code violations, anyone?) and held homeschool graduation ceremonies. We were supportive of a local private school using our building for physical education and other needed classroom space.
So, frankly…I don’t know where that vibe has come from…other than the reality that once high school rolled around, all the staff children who’ve been students since I came on staff were public schooled.
Comment by Brent — November 10, 2007 @ 9:43 am
It’s quite possible he only meant it wasn’t right for HER for whatever reason and yes, there could have been a mix-up. Whether the feelings were unfounded or not, I don’t think I was alone in my feelings during that time based on my conversations with other homeschoolers.
It’s also possible he changed his mind since then, too. It really didn’t matter to me what the staff thought of it - I was still going to do it, but it can be uncomfortable. I can remember being so very sad one year at the beginning of the school year when someone mentioned (it may have been just during the welcome/announcements not the sermon) how great it was that school had started again and people clapped and cheered.
Probably just a combination of lots of little things made me feel that way - not that it should have. It just did.
Comment by
morethanfine — November 10, 2007 @ 10:45 am
I think it’s sad that parents clapped and cheered because the kids went back to school. I love my kids and enjoy them being around. I don’t homeschool, but have considered it at various points along this educational journey. So, yes, my boys go to public school. But, no, I don’t clap because school is “in.”
I’m sure those questions are just as frustrating to you as people saying (once finding out my oldest is an insulin dependent diabetic) - “Oh, I guess he can’t eat sugar. Does he have a special diet?” Mostly it’s just ignorance of what diabetes entails. I’m sure some of the homeschooling comments come from parents who just don’t understand the homeschooling option.
And…just as an afterthought - just because I don’t remember much from algebra 2 in 11th grade doesn’t mean my teacher wasn’t very good (actually it was Christian school). It just means my old brain has forgotten way too much. I don’t think it matter what kind of teacher anyone has - there are some subjects (for me, MATH) that I just hae no desire to retain - especially if I don’t use ALGEBRA concepts on a daily basis.
Comment by Lori — November 11, 2007 @ 5:34 pm
Oops - apparently spelling is another one I haven’t retained. That would be ” I just HAVE no desire to retain.” Ugh. Old brain.
Comment by Lori — November 11, 2007 @ 5:35 pm
Lori, I think that’s a good point about wanting to retain something we’ve learned - that’s not dependent on the teacher, although they have influence on how we look back on a topic. People frequently tell me that they’d like to homeschool but they don’t remember Algebra or Chemistry so therefore they can’t homeschool. I usually say something about how I’m learning right along with my son OR that I farm out some topics, like Chemistry this year.
That is one great thing about the growth of homeschooling - we have tons of options in how we do it and not all of them are at home. I’m very thankful to the pioneers of the homeschooling movement that have paved the way for me.
Comment by morethanfine — November 12, 2007 @ 7:23 am
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